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Will I Ever Laugh Again?
Back in the 1990s, I read a book by Barbara Johnson that I never forgot. Stick a Geranium in Your Hat and Be Happy was one of those books that stays with you because it's unlike anything you've ever read before. Barbara Johnson's candid look into her grief journey was unique because it was hilarious. There were parts of the book that made me laugh out loud and yet I was reading about her life tragedies. How can that be? Twenty something years later, as I am on my own grief journey, I do reflect back on that book for ways to help me deal with the different parts of grief. Among those ways is humor. Can one really laugh again after dealing with tragedy? The answer I have learned is YES! "Love makes the world go round but laughter keeps you from getting dizzy." -Barbara Johnson Scientists suggest that there are benefits from laughter: 1. Lowers blood pressure. 2. Reduces stress 3. Works your abdominals (that's a great workout we all can do!) 4. Improves cardiac health 5. Releases endorphins These are just some benefits I found online! There are many more... When you're deep in grief, you may think you will never laugh again. And if you do, you immediately feel guilty because your loved one can no longer laugh. I mean, you're supposed to be sad and solemn, right? That's the popular idea: Be sad and lonely in your grief. But what I learned from the late Barbara Johnson is that laughter will sustain you through those very difficult times. She lost two sons (one in Vietnam and the other to a drunk driver) and helped her husband deal with a brain tumor until his passing. Yet this woman was funny. I mean, FUNNY! I highly recommend her books. She could find humor in anything. Change is never easy. Losing a loved one brings immediate change. Barbara Johnson wrote about celebrating the little things in life to deal with the sudden change. She wrote about things like celebrating the first of every month. How simple is that? The first of every month means you made it. You made it through! So, celebrate! Find ways to celebrate the little things in life: You walked 10,000 steps for the first time in months? Celebrate! You made it through the day without a flashback or tears? Celebrate! You were able to talk about your loved one without weeping? Celebrate! Celebrate these accomplishments with a special treat for yourself: a hike, a new pair of earrings, try a new restaurant, a new pair of shoes, or watch a funny movie. I knew one guy who collected watches. He'd buy a new watch each month because it made him feel special. Celebrate with LAUGHTER! Post a funny joke or meme each week. Make it a goal to bring a smile to someone's face. Do something your loved one always wanted to do:
The key word there is TRY. What's So Funny About That? I once had a lady say to me, "You've been through so much and yet you smile." I smile because I finally can. You can, too. And it's okay. I know there will be times you will feel guilty about it, but don't, because that's what our loved ones would want. We've seen the benefits of laughter and we know it can help our physical health, but can it help our mental health, too? Yes! There are plenty of researchers out there who have done the hard work. Their results show that laughter is most beneficial to our mental health because of the way it relieves us of negative thoughts and releases those hormones that reduce stress. Laughter through pain also helps us break down those emotional blocks we build up around ourselves. Find the humor in things and enjoy a good laugh. In the long run, finding humor will get you through it all. If you're struggling to find humor, then pick up a copy of any one of Barbara Johnson's books and enjoy a good laugh and a good story about surviving the grief journey. Remember, your mind is healing. Laughter will help your mind heal. Finding humor in everyday life will bring laughter. Now go and share that laughter! Blessings, Ruth
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The Power of Prayer: Our Children's Spouses
Years ago, when I read through The Power of a Praying Parent by Stormie Omartian, I remember when I came across the part where she explains that we should pray for the spouse of our sons and daughters even before they are married. I chuckled because I had been praying for my son's future wife since he was age three! I remember well standing over him as he slept and lifting up his future wife in prayer. Why? Because I come from divorced parents and so does my husband. We both know how to ruin a marriage, but neither one of us knew how to build a solid marriage. So, I wanted to start praying for my son as early as I could in order to ask the Lord to bless his marriage if that's what He has in store for our son. The In-Laws I don't know if marriage is in my son's future, but I wanted to submit to the Lord and pray for every part of my son's life. So, when he was little, I began to lift up his future wife and her family in my prayers: I pray for her parents. I pray that her father is the spiritual leader of the home and that he shows his family how much he loves their mother daily. I pray that her mother is a godly woman who teachers her children how to pray and trust in the Lord. I pray that she is teaching her daughter what it looks like to submit to her husband and to Christ. I pray that her parents are teaching her God's Word and how to treasure it in her heart that she might not sin against God. I pray that the Lord is speaking to her heart about her purpose in this life. I pray that He is using her talents and gifts for His glory at church and in everyday life. I pray that she spends time alone with the Lord daily and is filled with the Holy Spirit. I pray that her parents are teaching her financial responsibility and common sense when it comes to money and budgeting. I pray that she loves learning and has a teachable spirit and longs to love the Lord with her mind as well as her heart. I pray for her purity and that the Lord will spare her from any mistakes that might cause her pain and regret. I pray that if there are any strongholds in her life or family, that the Lord will break down any strongholds and family inheritance of bondage or sin and keep her from carrying on any of these struggles or burdens. But most of all, I pray that she and my son will have a long life together filled with godly offspring, joy, happiness, and God's strength to endure the hard times that will come. I pray for them to be the best of friends and enjoy years of laughter together. May they be found holding hands together in their Golden years as they were in their youth. The Power of Prayer All the things I pray for my son's future wife, I pray for my son as well. I have seen the Lord answer my prayers for my son over and over. God is faithful. I have seen the power of prayer. I urge you to lift up your child's future spouse today. Even if your son or daughter is in the crib or in the womb, bathe them in prayer! Marriage is hard enough with prayer, I cannot imagine it without prayer! Your son and/or daughter will appreciate knowing that you were praying for their spouse for many years even before they met. I even wrote a letter to my son's wife to give to her on her wedding day. I wrote it many years ago. It is never too early to begin praying for your children's future needs. In doing so, you are showing the Lord how willing you are to submit the future to His capable hands. Release your children to the Lord today. Blessings! Ruth One of the most effective ways to get your work noticed is to enter contests. Even though you may not win or place, there's nothing to lose! Most writing contests offer helpful feedback on your work by talented, published authors, literary agents, and editors who act as contest judges.
If you do place or win, you're immediately afforded the chance to put the contest details in any query letter you send to literary agents. This increases your chance of representation by an agent and landing your first publishing contract. Woo hoo! So, what steps should you take to enter? Keep reading... Preparations Matter But before you submit your work and hit "send", there's much to consider. The late Gail Gaymer Martin, spoke to our Christian Writers of the West group years ago about how to best prepare your manuscript before you hit "send." She ought to know! She won many prestigious contests, including the Holt Medallion Award, the Golden Quill Award, and the National Readers Choice Award. I'd like to share with you some of the tips she shared with us: First Steps Begin by reading the submission requirements on the contest website. If they ask for the first 15 pages, then submit your first 15 pages. You may be tempted to send chapter four instead because you feel that's your strongest chapter, but don't! Instead, ask yourself why chapter four is your strongest chapter. Maybe you should make it chapter one! Next, make sure your writing is polished to a shine. In other words, hire an editor! After it's edited, ask friends (preferably other writers) to read your work for critique. This means, someone other than grandma who loves everything you've ever written since you were five years old. You'll need someone who cares enough to tell you what works and what doesn't work in your story. Trust me, it's worth the pain of going back and revising. Follow the Rules Read the contest categories carefully. If your story is speculative fiction but the contest wants only romance, then don't enter it. Find the contest that best aligns with your writing style and genre. But don't be afraid to try a new genre. That's what I did and I placed third in the contest. It was a stretch for me to go from middle grade fiction to contemporary women's fiction, but I am all about change and improvement. I wrote a women's fiction story, found a contest with that category, and entered. So, give a new genre a try! Check your story. The contest judges want to see the main character, the inciting incident, and the possible resolutions in the first few pages of your story. If the contest wants only the first three chapters, but your inciting incident doesn't happen until chapter four, you have some revising to do. Most readers have the attention span of five seconds. If the action, the inciting incident, and the main character don't appear right away, readers will put down your book. Read and re-read your story to make sure these requirements are present right away. Judges will be on the look out for them! If contest organizers require formatting (and they usually do), be sure to follow those formatting requirements to a tee! If they want your name in the upper left-hand corner, then don't include a fancy cover page. Obey their every command! Otherwise, your manuscript might be sent back for corrections or they may never even read your manuscript at all. Enter Contests: You Have So Much to Win Entering contests is about more than just winning. Even placing in the top three is desirable and beneficial. Literary agents and editors participate as judges in contests sometimes because they are on the lookout for the next BIG story and successful writer. That could be YOU. Thoughtful judges will provide you the feedback on your story that will make you a better writer. They will mention what you did right and what needs work. I was so blessed to have received excellent feedback on my work-in-progress when I placed third. Most contests have reasonable entry fees and turn around times, so you really have nothing to lose by entering. You do, however, have so much to gain! I am honored to have two running stories in the new Chicken Soup for the Soul book: Running for Good that has just been release in time for Global Running Day. Years ago, I ran in high school track and on the cross-country team. I ran because it was fun and my friends were also on the team. But I never felt like a runner. One day, it happened. During cross-country practice, we ran eight miles. I had never run that distance before. Stopping to think about it, I finally felt like a runner... a real runner! I haven't stopped since. I always warn new runners that, the first time they run eight to ten miles, they will fall in love with running. They will experience that runner's high and never look back. It's tempting to run all the time, I warn them, but don't do it! Be sensible and rest to allow your body to heal. Those who listen, go on to experience fun and exciting running events. Those who don't listen to advice or their bodies, experience injuries early on. The Spiritual High That's why running is so appealing. Your body will speak to you as you run. You can have a long, deep conversation with your body while you're logging in eight to ten miles. At first, it whispers to you. And if you continue to ignore it, it speaks loudly to you. And if you still continue to ignore it...your body will scream at you! That's what I experienced while training for my favorite race: The Marine Corps Marathon I wrote about this race in Chicken Soup for the Soul: Running for Good. I trained and trained so hard for this once-in-my-lifetime race, that I ignored the warnings my body was sending me daily. I ignored it until it screamed at me and I couldn't take another step. So, I rested and paid attention to my body's needs. It healed and off we went to the marathon! I call this the Spiritual High because running allows you time to really listen. You can think deep thoughts while out on a run. I tend to write scenes for my latest writing project while I run. Sometimes, I work out problems I'm having at work or at home. Most of the time, I talk to God and seek His wisdom. Because I was bedridden during my pregnancy and afterwards, I went almost two years without running. Today, I appreciate every workout more than ever. When you've been forced to lie in bed for almost six months and experience atrophy, and then have surgery that keeps you from returning to normal life for another six months, getting your health back is priceless. As I lay in bed, day after day, worrying about my unborn child and my own health, I prayed and bargained with God. "Lord," I prayed. "If you give me my health back, I promise I won't take exercise for granted ever again. If you get me back out there on the trails, I will always give you thanks. I promise." That was 25 years ago and six marathons, eighteen half marathons, four ultra-marathons, and sprint triathlons later. After every workout, I thank the Lord for giving me my health back to enjoy. Run for Your Life In this book, I also wrote about how running helped me heal after suffering the tremendous loss of my older sister, Tammie. I have since lost my mom, aunts and uncles, grandparents, as well a beloved pet dog, and continue to use running as a time of therapy and renewal. I know my sister and my mom wouldn't want me to stop doing what I love. So, I run for them and all those who can no longer hit the trails. Running is a way to enjoy life and prolong a healthy lifestyle. Smart training and planning can ensure successful race completion. I have found running to keep my health balanced and my body fit. In the book, you will read so many stories about people who found new health through running. Their stories are so incredibly motivating! Last year, when I trained for the Rome Marathon, I had to have a complete physical as part of the race registration process. My doctor was astounded by the results of my bloodwork. "I haven't seen such excellent numbers in a long time." "Running," I said. "Clean living and running will do that for you." I run for pleasure and for life. But I know I won't be able to do it forever. So, I also ride my bike, swim, do Pilates, and hike. An active lifestyle goes along with spiritual health and mental health. Because I have learned so much about how running improves mental health, I plan on returning to school for a second Masters degree in Mental Health and Wellness at Grand Canyon University. Writing more about how running can improve emotional stability in addition to physical stability is my goal. Hopefully, more and more people will be inspired to try running. I have a few more races to enter and complete before I hang up my running shoes. I also have more "metaphorical" races to enter and complete. Running has prepared me for the obstacles I will face in life. I hope to inspire others to try running and see for themselves how their bodies and mental state will grow stronger. Running really is for good! Your turn: Do you run? How has running changed your life? If not, what do you do to maintain mental health and renewal? When I think back over my writing journey, some of the most pivotal moments happened at writing conferences. Walking into my very first one, I wasn’t sure what to expect. I was nervous, clutching my notebook, and wondering if I even belonged. But by the time I left, I knew I’d found something special.
One of the greatest benefits of a conference is the community. Writing can feel lonely at times, but sitting in a room full of people who share the same passion reminded me that I wasn’t on this journey alone. I still remember late-night conversations in the hotel lobby, swapping stories and laughter with writers who quickly became friends. Those connections have encouraged me long after the conference ended. Another gift is learning from experts. I’ve attended workshops that transformed the way I think about story structure, dialogue, and even the publishing world itself. Hearing editors and agents talk candidly about what they’re looking for gave me practical tools—and the motivation to keep pushing forward. I always come home with my notebook brimming with ideas and my heart brimming with inspiration. And then there’s the networking. I’ve met agents and editors at conferences who later became invaluable contacts. I’ve also met critique partners and beta readers who helped shape my stories into something stronger. Most of all, writing conferences remind me why I started writing in the first place. Sitting in a keynote session, listening to an author share their journey, I often find myself nodding along, renewed in my purpose. Inspiration is contagious in that setting—it sends me home eager to get words on the page. If you’ve been hesitating about attending a conference, let me encourage you: take the leap. It may just be the turning point in your writing journey, as it was for mine. |
AuthorR. A. Douthitt is an award-winning author who loves to blog about writing, running, and life...with all its inconsistencies. Categories:
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